“A wild heart” and standing alone in the wilderness.
For me this is particularly my struggle with mental health and what it has taught me about the world. My struggle with drug addiction. And most importantly sharing these vulnerabilities, these sins, with people around me. Showing vulnerability, which is a big part of Brene Brown’s research, has changed my life for the better.
So I want to get into my journey to self acceptance and how I got to a point where I was ok with being different. So I’m bipolar type 1.
To summarize bipolar type 1: I have periods of bad depression and then sometimes periods of natural highs or (mania). With type 1 the highs can get so high that you can lose contact with reality (kinda like a bad LSD trip, but for like days/weeks) which is what happened to me in 2013… A period that changed my life forever. And something I may get into later.
In highschool I was always the awkward quiet kid who didn't really fit in anywhere
I was a hard working student and graduated pretty decent marks. Highschool consisted of playing call of duty and doing school work.
Went to college in 2012. Studied engineering, but dropped out in 2013 when I had my first manic episode.
I didn’t share the fact that I had bipolar with many people, only close friends and family knew this. I was manic so it was quite easy to see that I was not all there.
Now 7 years later, I’ve finally gotten to a place where I’m ok with being different.
And it’s been mainly due to work from Brene Brown and a lot of Carl Jung and Jordan Peterson.
My room is filled with drawings on the wall... I’m scared that people will potentially cast me out, but that is something I let go of. It’s something I can’t control so why bother.
This is my chaos, but I’m so at home here. Sharing your vulnerabilities with friends and family is very difficult but it’s even more difficult to share it with your enemies. Now this is a step that I am yet to take…
Love your enemies and all that.. Now loving means being vulnerable as well. Being vulnerable to your enemies, that sounds crazy.. And maybe it is.. Let’s see what happens.
Anyway, dare to be vulnerable... peace out!
RIP Peep.
His music keeps me going:
"Oh im a lonely boy she made a lonely boy"
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